Eulogy

Funeral Service conducted by Fr. Roger Calder
at St. Wilfrid's Church, 28th May, 2009

It is of course a great sadness, but also inevitable, that returning to a place which has had such a huge significance in my life, is so often to take part in the funeral service of friends. But while that is sad, it is also one of the great privileges of the priesthood to be with people and a part of their lives at significant times, and one of the most significant is of course their passing.

I met Sheila when I came to be Parish priest to Bognor in 1995 and got to know her and Fr. Cecil very well, and more on this later. But I have to confess that I knew very little of her life before 1995, and that was of course most of it. So I am particularly grateful to Sheila herself for leaving a few notes specifically to be used on this occasion. Though it won’t surprise you that these are characteristically brief and modest.

When Sheila was young their were two abiding passions in her life - mainly music and sport – these actually remained with her for the whole of her life. To start with she played a lot of tennis, badminton, netball and hockey and when she started to slow down a bit took up golf at 55 which remained of interest for many years. At the same time she was singing, first of all in the Belmont Choral Society, that’s Belmont near Sutton,  that being her home, and latterly she sang with the Bognor Oratorio Choir and the Chichester Singers. Of course she also sang in church choirs – at St. Andrew’s Cheam for 12 years where she was also a Sunday school teacher, and latterly in the choir of this church St. Wilfrid’s Bognor, where she sang for 43 years.

Now you might be forgiven for thinking that these were full time pursuits, but she also looked after her parents for the whole of their lives and she had to earn a living as well, commuting daily to Horsham where she worked in the Tax Office. From early in the morning till late at night, Sheila’s was a very busy but very fulfilling life. Any gaps left over were filled with gardening which she thoroughly enjoyed, doing jigsaws or sorting out crossword puzzles. She enjoyed travel; latterly of course this meant Sidmouth where room 61 of Fortfield House became a second home, and while there saw quite a lot of her family. Prior to that though she drove on holidays all over the place in England, Scotland and Wales, but the culmination of her travels was 4 weeks on the Ocean Monarch including going through the Panama Canal, followed by 4 weeks in New Zealand, mainly in Palmerston North with Joyce and Peter Bagnel.

After the death of her parents she moved eventually from Marshall Avenue to Sovereign Court and that could so easily be where our story ends. What a life she had enjoyed with not a moment wasted, with a whole host of interests and now a lovely and manageable retirement home. And then, at the age of 74, she got married.

Fr. Cecil’s life has been very properly celebrated in this church on many occasions, and although this is without doubt a day for giving thanks to God for Sheila’s life, and for all the ways she has enriched our lives by hers, I am afraid that having met her later in life my experience of Sheila was as part of a delightful couple.

It is always a privilege to have retired clergy to help you and to look after a parish. Initially Cecil used to help out a bit until he found that difficult and that necessitated frequent visits to Cecil and Sheila at home in Sovereign Court to sort things out and latterly to take them communion.  I don’t think I’m telling any tales out of school when I tell you that without Sheila’s love and care and bucketfuls of common sense and discretion, Fr. Cecil would not have been to go on as long as he did. He had a  particular gift in the ministry surrounding funerals, especially amongst his Masonic brethren and Sheila enabled him to carry this much valued ministry on. She only really stopped singing in the choir because Cecil really needed her to be with him so that he could continue to come to the Eucharist which meant so much to both of them.

Fr. Roger at Brecklands House, Burnham Avenue

The celebration of Cecil’s Diamond Jubilee of ordination to the priesthood in 1999, when he spoke from a chair at the front here and then blessed us all from his place over there where Peter is sitting at the end of the service, was a moment that I will not forget. More than that, all clergy you know have places where they go to in Parishes which they call bolt holes - places to go when life gets tough, or people get you down; places where you can speak your mind, or seek good council - for me Cecil and Sheila’s home was such a place.  And I know that it was also the place that my curates Fr. John and Fr. Bill went there for the same reason – probably to moan about me - but I would never know, because Cecil and Sheila would never say a word and this was largely down to Sheila’s hospitality, warmth, wisdom and kindness.

She had an impish sense of humour which sometimes caused a second take when some uncharacteristic comment might come from such a venerable elderly lady – she never stopped being fun. But latterly she’s been ill and she has become tired.

She was cared for wonderfully at Brecklands and fortified by a solid Christian faith, she has been ready and even desirous of today for some time.

And now it falls to us to do what we can for her. To commit and commend her in great love to the open, loving, welcoming arms of God, grateful for the ways she has touched our lives by hers.

May she rest in peace and rise in glory. Amen
 

Fr. Roger Calder
28th May, 2009

 

Recordings  from the Funeral Service at St. Wilfrid's Church on 28th May, 2009 Funeral Service Eulogy - Fr Roger